Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
