How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
