I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
