I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
