i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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