He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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