You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize