STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Watching her eat just hurts me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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