maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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