Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
