I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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