Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
