How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
