And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
