never play flip cup with pint glasses
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
