And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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