his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
only you would photoshop your dick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
