my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
