She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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