This is not my ceiling
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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