If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
