you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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