I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
