wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
