Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
wow bdsm is so cute
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