Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
