I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
