Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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