My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can you bring me the toilet please
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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