I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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