I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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