Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
