Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
