cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
