she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
