I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
