but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
