So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
