hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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