Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
