So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
