I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
