so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize