Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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