I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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