Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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