im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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