Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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