So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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