why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
