I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
