thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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