That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
