goodnight i made you a song goodbye
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
