I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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