it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
