i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
