Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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