remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize