I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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