PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
