yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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