You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
