I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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