guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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