When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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