I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
