I am puke
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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