I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
