I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
