Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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