I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
