At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
