Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
