did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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