some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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