What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
