Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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