My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
handjob tips. give me some.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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