you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
