he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Drunk is a universal language darling
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
