Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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