you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
