Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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