I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Semen is not good for contacts.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
