You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
