OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She even gives head with a lisp.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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