I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
