here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
